About Your Pastoral Counselor

When I was in high school, all of us in band and choir were supposed to wear white shirts to a concert. For whatever reason, I was the only one wearing an ivory shirt. Everyone else wore pure white. I stuck out in a bad way. I was the fly in the ointment, the rock in the shoe, and my failure to look the part spoiled the plans of crisp white shirts on every band member. I even overheard the choir director talking about it later to someone else. He said he didn’t remember who it was, but “it only takes one person to ruin the effect.”

Isn’t that a lot like how it feels to be LGBTQ in many religious spaces today? Our color can spoil the pure white uniform. Our identity can spoil their identity. Sadly, that’s usually true no matter how hard we try to live up to the ideals, even if we believe them wholeheartedly and are prepared to sacrifice anything for them. We still know we don’t quite fit in with the image the church longs to embody. It’s crushing.

So what do we do? Though we find ourselves in common dilemmas, no story is the same, and every queer person has their own choices to make and path to forge. You may not know what to do with unwanted same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria. You may be considering whether to come out and how. You may be in a mixed-orientation marriage or be the parent of someone who is queer. You may be considering celibacy or considering divorce. You may have come out long ago but still be struggling with the emotional ramifications of everything you've been through.

I’m a member of the LGBTQ community myself, and when I realized it was time for me to come out, I was a pastor in a non-affirming denomination. I chose the nuclear option and came out while I was a pastor, effectively ending my career in that denomination, and went on to write an in-depth theological book about LGBTQ people and the Bible. In the years since, worked through much of my own hurt and made huge transitions in my life. I met my now wife, and in her I found love beyond what I knew was possible. I’ve become a mother. I’ve learned even more about myself, like that I have ADHD and how to get treatment and make changes to adapt to my brain as it is. Life is nothing if not constant learning and improvement.

I would be honored to help guide you through your process; my life experience has prepared me well. Before becoming a pastor, I was a therapist, helping people address a wide range of emotional and relational challenges. My master's degrees and experience in pastoral ministry and clinical psychology have given me many tools and perspectives for addressing a wide range of religion-based challenges. Recently, wanting a deeper understanding of how the specific experience of religious trauma impacts people, I earned a certification in religious trauma.

The bottom line is that I am personally and professionally prepared and invested in helping people struggling at the intersection of queerness and religion. I’m eager to aid those licking their wounds and seeking a more abundant life by processing and healing the harm they have experienced. I’m here for the allies, pastors, and parents looking for a better way forward or for others who know my work I believe I might be able to help them.

If you are ready to make a positive change and would like my support, you can schedule individual counseling anytime with this link. Individual sessions are a full 60-minutes and cost $170. You can also schedule a free 15-minute consultation with this link to discuss your questions and what our work together might look like. All sessions are through telehealth.